A Cord Too Far

So much for trying to relax!  Nikita has been very busy most of the day.  Aside from a couple of meetings of the Cat Council, her efforts have mostly been directed at pushing me over the edge.

First, she stole food from the fridge:    Yum!  Turkey!  Oh, I must have what's left in that bag!  Look, Mama!  Over there!  Yes -- out the window!  *hee hee hee*  Nabs the bag and sprints out of the kitchen.  Nom, nom, nom.  Ha ha!  Mama is busy doing something unimportant -- I think she calls it "work."  Goodness, how delicious!  I think I'll just leave the bag here on the living room floor, just as a reminder of the power structure here.  Hides under the chair and waits for me to discover the crime. 

 

And here it is:

 

 Pleads not guilty.  Who, me?  I would never do such a thing!

 

 then exits through the portal.  Attends a rather brief meeting of the Council.  She's  back!  Spots my camera on the table.  Die!  You evil thing!  Die!  Tries to kill it.  Mama, why did you take it away?  You are the meanest Mama ever!  FINE, I'll kill your feet instead!  What?  Did that hurt?  Oh, pardon me, I am so NOT sorry.  You have more socks, don't you?  Hey, you cut my claws, so I am entitled to go after your toes.  That's the way it is, deal with it.  Coward, why did you tuck your feet under the quilt?  That won't stop me.  Scuffling noises and the occasional squeak.  Well, I can wait.  Just know one thing, Mama, I have way more patience than you do....

 

Multiple assaults on the mantle.  Maybe she should try to climb up the wall.  Wasn't there a bug there the other night?  Better inspect everything closely.  Now what, Mama?  I'm just keeping us safe.  That bug is probably hiding under the picture even now and you are preventing me from doing my job.  What?  I never prevent you from doing YOUR job!  No, I don't!  Just work around me, for Pete's sake.

 Spots the remote control.  Stalking, stalking.  One, two, three....POUNCE!  Gotcha!:

 

Another Council meeting.  She returns, seemingly exhausted.  Refuses to discuss what happened.  Mutters something about meeting with the Executive Committee...Swooooooooosh!  Into the kitchen.  Chomp, chomp, chomp.

I foolishly assume she's eating her food.  Wrong!  She chewed through another power cord for my Samsung Tablet.  The one it took so much effort to replace.  I am fuming.  For once, she appears (notice I say appears) to be feeling just a hint of remorse.

Evidence:  

Thoroughly vexed, I put her in Time Out.  She is now mewing and crying. 

Nikita's Busy Day

Yesterday Nikita started her own Twitter account:

Nikita The Cat

@NikitaTheCat1

Cat extraordinaire, Cat Council President, Furniture Destroyer, Avid reader, Curiosity hasn't killed me, I am adorable - everyone says so.

In less than 24 hours she had more followers than I have managed to attract in over 4 years!   I am amazed by how many cats out there have twitter accounts!  

She's also been on my Facebook page again:

Hi Everyone, Nikita here. Taking some time away from tweeting...Question for all: Should I set up a way funny prank to play on Mama and spring it on her when she gets home OR should I act as if I have one in mind and just keep her on pins and needles all night?

And, as usual, she has gotten some advice.  Lucky for me, I got home sooner than she had imagined. 

Responses:

Chuck:  Create as much havoc as you possibly can within the first 15 minutes after she gets home, then ignore her until it's time for dinner

 

Nikita:  ooohhhhh, Good idea! Fun for me, frustration for her! The Daily Double!

 

Mark:  Poop in a shoe.

 

Ruth:  A well planned and executed act causes the most anxiety.

 

Nikita:     I know what I'll do!! I'll act like her coming home is the single best thing that's ever happened to me. Then, I'll walk around yowling and acting so very sad. Then I'll jump on the coffee table. Ooops! Cat Council just summoned me. I'll be back.

 

Ruth:  Hmm....Ollie was extra lovey when I got home. He often comes over for a quick snuggle, but this was extreme. Then when I went upstairs Murry was equally lovey. Nikita definitely has something big in the works......

 

Me:  Yes, I agree. I see she's been busy online today. Franklin Roosevelt got it wrong Fear itself is NOT the only thing we have to fear!

 

Ruth:  Hmmm....and now both of my guys seem to be missing.....

 

Me:  And so is Nikita. This can't be good.

 

Ruth:  OK, I found Murry sleeping upstairs on the bed. Ollie however is nowhere to be found. Not in any of his "usual" sleeping spots. Murry is a total chicken, Ollie is the planner. But Murry is a team player, so whatever Nikita and Ollie plan, he will follow.    

 

In addition to tweeting and facebooking, Nikita has managed to do the following (and these are only the things I can prove):

1.  Open the pantry door and ransack inside.

 

2.  Open more drawers in the apothecary chest.

 

3.  take more of the finish off the apothecary chest

 

4.  knock a stack of student papers to the ground

 

5.  hide the remote control under the futon

 

6.  Knock the kitchen trash over.

 

 

 

A little while ago she spotted another Giant Monster Bug on the wall in the living room.  I, of course, could not see it, but she was immediately on the job.  Ooooohhhhh, this is just enthralling.  I will stare at that spot high up on the wall until that Giant Monster Bug moves.  What do you mean you don't see anything, Mama?  It's right up there!!  Are you nuts?!?!  Good thing one of us recognizes danger!  Ahhhhh,  much butt wiggling.  Shall she try to make a giant leap up there?  Well, maybe not.  It is awfully high.  Perhaps jump to the lamp and bounce up from there?  Mama, how did you know I was thinking that?  OKAY, fine, I won't jump up there.  Geez, she is such a wet blanket.  I'll stare up there a while longer....

 

 

Oh, well, now she's bored.  Meowing and crying sounds in the hallway.  POOF -- she's gone!  

Nefarious Goings On

• Nikita has spent considerable amounts of time at Cat Council Meetings over the past 48 hours.  I have discovered that one of the portals is under the chair in the living room.  Sometimes she curls up and I can see a suspicious lump under the afghan that covers it:

   

  

   

  On many recent occasions, however, that bulge is a clever ploy -- much like people putting pillows under bed covers to fool people into thinking they're asleep.  Nikita has used this strategy with great success.  I can only assume that she is very busy with The Master Plan.  My friend Ruth has been providing much needed intelligence:

   

  Ruth:  My cats were uncharacteristically animated a few minutes ago. Racing around, up an down stairs, attacking paper, toys, each other. They seem to be VERY excited by Nikita's latest plan.

  
  
• Me:  Uh oh! So her whole "I am being a little angel, sleeping here on the futon" thing is merely a ruse? Dang! I fall for that one every time.

  
  
• Me: what are your guys doing now? Nikita just rushed out of here like an EMT responding to a 9-1-1 call.

   

  Ruth:  I told you....there is excitement. I just went upstairs and all is quiet. I saw Murry asleep under a table on a piece of paper. Didn't see Ollie. Whatever Nikita has planned must be especially exciting and dastardly. They are resting in anticipation of the attack.
• 
  
• Me:  Still no sign of Nikita. Can't you just picture her in a room with maps, and plans, directing other cats on what they should do?

  
  
• Me:  She's back. Appears a bit tense and a tad worried. Approached the apothecary chest and then backed off. I think cats are mobilizing and/or on-call worldwide.

   

  Ruth:  Do you think Nikita has knowledge regarding Dec 21? Perhaps instead of the end of the world it is the date for the (black) cat uprising.
• 
  
• Ruth:  Can so picture her with maps and plans.

  
  
• Me:  I am sure she has knowledge...But knowing her devious little mind, I imagine that the entire Dec 21 scare is merely a diversionary tactic. It's probably best to be prepared for an attack after that hysteria is over. She is in Time Out again, no doubt in contact with her inner circle. She's not even pretending that she wants to come back in here.

I let her back in.  She is pacing around, but still trying to appear nonchalant.   "what?  nothing's wrong.  move along.... nothing for you to worry about, Mama."  Must secure the perimeter of the apartment.  This is serious business.  All seems to be in order, but the price of Cat Control is eternal vigilance (she's read extensively in History.)   Hold on...heat just came on...a warm cat can certainly maintain a better level of security than a cold cat can.  Well, time to go trotting back to Mama...oh, maybe one more run at the apothecary chest.  "OKAY, Mama, don't make a federal case out of it!  Sheesh!  Just relax.  Isn't it your bedtime?"  Now fussing at me to try to get me to go to bed.  Multiple trips to the bedroom.  Crying noises.  Trudges back to the living room.  "Don't you know that it's a school night?"

OOOOOHHHHH.  There's mitten on the floor!  How completely fascinating!  Better make sure it poses no threat.  Stalking, stalking...POUNCE!  Ha!  That little item will not be bothering us again.  

Now by the chair once again.  Should she go through the portal?  Will Mama notice?  Who cares?  Mama has no idea how it works, plus she doesn't even know the password.  Well, maybe another portal would be better.  Strolls oh so casually out of the room.  Confounds the laws of physics once again.  She is back behind the chair in the living room, playing with fringe.  Schroedinger was wrong!  (And I think I spelled his name incorrectly, but you know to whom I am referring, or at least Nikita does.)  SPOOKY.  Now she's crying in the dining room, but the fringe continues to move. 

I am going to bed before things get really weird.

The Great Stick Hunt of 2012

So,  Nikita searched in vain for the beloved stick.

• Me:  Having temporarily given up the search, Nikita is now sleeping under the chair. I feel a smidge guilty.

  
  
• Ruth:  So with your guilt, she has won yet again!

  
  
• Me:  So true, she still hasn't found it, so has resumed the search after first killing the Kleenex box and then stalking the evil camera.

   
• Ruth:  Ollie is obsessed with ice cubes. He quietly sits in front of the refrigerator and looks up at the ice maker. Until I get up, dispense an ice cube, and slide it across the kitchen floor. He ignores it until I leave the room. Then he pounces. But occasionally after we go through this routine he just walks out of the room without touching the ice. Just to make sure I know that HE is in charge.

  
  
•  
• Me:  She is now examining the ceiling. Perhaps that stick is up there.

   
• Ruth:  One never knows.....

   
• Me:  Maybe its on one of the walls. Looking very carefully.

  
  
• Ruth:  When she starts spinning around in circles to see if it is attached to her tail, that will be something to see! 

  
  

  Me:  I'll try my best to capture it on film, provided I don't cave in first and just show her where it is.
• 
  
• Ruth:  At which time she will glare at you and walk away. But can she pull that off? It IS her very favorite toy. Will be interesting to see how she reacts.

   

  Me:  I'm guessing we'll find out sooner rather than later!

 So close, but yet so far!

Until......

WHOA!!!   Oh, Happy Day!  

Now, you will play stick with me!!!!!